Saying Goodbye
The last thing I want to do right now is write something comprehensible.
Life isn't, so why should I be?
You know that theory, where the beat of a butterfly's wing has enough force to change something much larger in the world? I completely believe it. I believe that our energies feed off one another. Sometimes, these are tangible, direct effects. Sometimes they are far-reaching, coincidental, but correlational. There was a time when I was hurting, inexplicably, and then I spoke to someone I loved (across the world) who was hurting, explicably, and I thought... perhaps there is reason after all.
Earlier this week, I felt this fear. Incomprehensible, soul-wrenching fear flooded through me. I was biking at the time, feeling absolutely lost and scared on a route I knew. I immediately began praying. I don't know what my goal was, but for safety, to feel safe once more.
And then I found out a day or two later. I saw a fb post to support my friend's memorial fund, and as the page loaded, that dread resurfaced, my heart pounded faster, my fears culminated within the time for the page to load.
Writing this blog is one of my greatest loves; I cannot not write. Since embarking on the journey, I have withstood all the elements, within and without, to ensure something was published every week. This week, I wanted to call it quits. I wanted to write about Joe, but then I really just... some things are too private to share.
I didn't want to write anything at all, but to sit and feel whatever I was feeling.
If you knew Joe's smile, you would smile.
If you knew how tough he pretended to be, you would smile.
If you knew how happy he was to go out of his way to see you, you would smile.
If you knew how he loved to feel free...
You would smile simply knowing someone as loving, goofy, compassionate and passionate.
I really do think I've got love banks all over the world. Sometimes, my emotions are pulled by someone I love, even though I know not how, who or why - but when it happens, I know. Sometimes when I'm feeling happy, I want to invest that into my love banks, to tell them that all is okay and that laughter is tangible, fine, and bountiful.
Sometimes, a love bank pulls on me, and I know that it's time to feel sad.
Well, I've been a mix of everything while reflecting over our friendship. To Joe.
Life isn't, so why should I be?
You know that theory, where the beat of a butterfly's wing has enough force to change something much larger in the world? I completely believe it. I believe that our energies feed off one another. Sometimes, these are tangible, direct effects. Sometimes they are far-reaching, coincidental, but correlational. There was a time when I was hurting, inexplicably, and then I spoke to someone I loved (across the world) who was hurting, explicably, and I thought... perhaps there is reason after all.
Earlier this week, I felt this fear. Incomprehensible, soul-wrenching fear flooded through me. I was biking at the time, feeling absolutely lost and scared on a route I knew. I immediately began praying. I don't know what my goal was, but for safety, to feel safe once more.
And then I found out a day or two later. I saw a fb post to support my friend's memorial fund, and as the page loaded, that dread resurfaced, my heart pounded faster, my fears culminated within the time for the page to load.
Writing this blog is one of my greatest loves; I cannot not write. Since embarking on the journey, I have withstood all the elements, within and without, to ensure something was published every week. This week, I wanted to call it quits. I wanted to write about Joe, but then I really just... some things are too private to share.
I didn't want to write anything at all, but to sit and feel whatever I was feeling.
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| The Miracle Worker: Our first and only show together. |
If you knew Joe's smile, you would smile.
If you knew how tough he pretended to be, you would smile.
If you knew how happy he was to go out of his way to see you, you would smile.
If you knew how he loved to feel free...
You would smile simply knowing someone as loving, goofy, compassionate and passionate.
I really do think I've got love banks all over the world. Sometimes, my emotions are pulled by someone I love, even though I know not how, who or why - but when it happens, I know. Sometimes when I'm feeling happy, I want to invest that into my love banks, to tell them that all is okay and that laughter is tangible, fine, and bountiful.
Sometimes, a love bank pulls on me, and I know that it's time to feel sad.
Well, I've been a mix of everything while reflecting over our friendship. To Joe.
 |
| To Joe. |
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