Deleted.

Hi All,

I wrote up a nice little blog, poem included, about my time in London. Then I deleted it.

To be honest, London is overwhelming. It challenges in frustrating ways, and I rebound like the human being that I am. I think it's a wonder at how magical our mental capacities are, how much we are in charge and how much that should be implemented throughout life.

This past week was a struggle in many ways. I've gotten on/off at wrong stops, missed the bus by seconds, remained glued to my phone for directions, ran from tardiness, bought three bikes...

I've rejected two dates, walked away from one attempted kiss, and all in all, I've grown to respect myself and my choices even more. My happiness is dependent on whether I do what I feel is right and what I feel is my right; I am not going to succumb to anything I don't want.

It has been in the back of my mind all week, and thus, I'd like to create a hashtag, #friendlydate.

I shouldn't have to feel that every time I hang out/go out solo with a guy, it will lead to something more than friendship. I love men. I love being around them, and they are a bulwark to my being! Earlier this week, I told a friend that I imagine him building from nothing. He quickly asked why I'd chosen a stereotypically masculine task to describe him, but perhaps that's just it. I find that the men in my life are ones that are my support: stable, creative, strong. This is not a projection of how I want my male friends to be, this is how I already interpret my relationships with my male friends. That being said, I invite them to be vulnerable; it's in my nature to get to know people to the core, and I don't believe that's possible without sharing and delving. Today's culture doesn't give men enough opportunities to do so, nor do they allow themselves to do so (in their attempts to align to today's culture).

With three older brothers scattered between two countries, and myself in a different country altogether, I find myself eager to find similar relationships with the guys around me. I am not looking for romance or sex; I am looking for companionship and fun. Life is good with a good guy friend around. Moreover, I feel that whenever I do talk about guys, my friends are quick to ask whether it'll bud into anything. It's just a reflection of our romanticised culture, and it is something I would do as well (what girl doesn't like to be teased about a potential crush?). Nonetheless it annoys me to my core that I always have to explain to myself that these interactions don't necessarily have sexual implications.

Tommy&AboAli #friendlydate

James&I&AboAli #friendlydate

Michele #London #notsofriendlydate

This last photo is from the guy who sold me a bike on gumtree. After having extensive problems with the saddle, many visits to bike stores and mechanics, and hours of shared time, he agreed to take the bike back, and he invited me to coffee at his place. As I leave, however, he tried to kiss me. All too soon, friendly Italian dude with a cool bike turned into questionable Italian dude who takes advantage of a harmless situation. What could I do but walk away with the explanation, "sorry, that's not my thing"?

Now, I don't want to veer into the realms of "friend zoning" people either. It's not like that at all. It's just my defiance of the natural inclination to think that one-on-one situations are going to lead to something sexual. Am I being naive? Not really. Naivety is the result of not knowing. What I am doing is knowing and defying.

Bananas

This week, I found a perfectly in tact banana lying in the street. I passed it in bemusement only to turn back and pick it up. Finders keepers, right? As I traipsed away from the crime scene with a giggle on my lips, I thought of all the little things that I enjoy every day. For instance, many other people would just pass a banana and that's that. I, however, use it as an excuse for a giggle and a story. Every thing on this earth has a story. Whether we want to highlight these stories or not, is our choice. Some people choose to have uneventful lives, and that's just sad.

The Banana from the Street!

This choice, however, separates me from the "normal people" who work tiresome 9-5 days. I find delight in the little things, and they just find the day to be normal. As much as I like my new flatmates, I found that this week juxtaposed crazy Sal with sensible Matt and Flo, who came home with "meh" days and relaxed in front of the TV, or with a smoke. I, however, wanted to sing and explain and celebrate! I'm sure it only takes a matter of time for our lives to become more attuned.

Work

I have recently begun a job at a local restaurant/pub, and I find it a highly entertaining experience. Although management could be better, they cook staff meals before the evening shift begins, everyone is relaxed and happy, and it's absolutely a humorous place to work. For instance, all of the men seem to have nailed down the "casual wink", so whenever I pass them and smile, it's a blink-wink away from me laughing. Aside from one Canadian (who tells me I put the "s" in smile, hahaha), they're all European, so I am constantly speaking Spanish and French and Italian to them even though I know nothing of Spanish and French and Italian. The dishwasher thanks me with a puckered kiss of the lips (nota bene, not On the lips), the French guy stops and asks me to say "thank you" then walks away with zest, saying how much he loves an American's thank you. The stern Irish chef gives me a kiss on the cheek on departure and I haven't had a shift without a drink:  cider, champagne, wine, beer and a shot, all paid by others, and I've only worked three shifts!

My other job begins next week, but at my trial shift, I was guided along by a man from Manly. With his tan, twang and beach-ey vibe, I felt that much closer to Sydney, and was grateful when he was talking to the general manager over the phone, saying I'm awesome (and I had barely begun my time)! 

Regardless of the stigma around tipping in this country, I am making it my duty to gain tips through outstanding smiles and jokes... service too I guess! This is going to be fun indeed.

My Stigmata

It is a bit awkward that I akin myself to Jesus' affliction from the cross, but that's exactly the thought that pops into mind with this next photo (beware, blood)! I have been having a horrendous time waiting for last week's rug burn to heal, and last night as I carefully removed a bandage, the scab was damaged and voila! Stigmata foot starts bleeding all over the place. I am aghast at how long this baby has lasted, but nonetheless, it looks too cool to not show you.

Cuppa Tea, anyone?

My birthday's next week everyone. If you want to send some correspondence, perhaps a handwritten letter or an iPhone6, just ask for my address :P