Someone, Tell Me What to Do with My Life

It's Begun

The constant wondering, the weighing up options, the numerous conversations, the indecisiveness. I'm coming to a crossroads and have no clear idea of how to use my final days in London. Should I quit my job and travel? That seems somehow lame. Should I quit my job and attend as many dance classes, performances and workshops as possible? That seems fun, yet lavish. Should I keep my job and wonder when I'll actually have time for myself? That seems the wrong option.

So here we are. I'm going to quit, I just don't know when to do it. And then Archie looked up at me today like this:

and I thought, leaving my job is going to be slightly more difficult than I'd like. And what if I just become a bit of a slob in the absence of a schedule? 

Well, these are my big questions. They all stem in the fact that I've no idea what I want to do. Whether to relax, or apply myself for even more theatre work, whether to travel and where to. This is a humongous "woe is me" post, and I'm sorry, but woe is me.

Reality Check

I met a lady recently who was certain that your mentality is more important than your reality. If you find yourself in a bind, it's because you're thinking, "oh, my life is terrible, woe is me." Your positivity can raise you out of desolate situations. Your world is a reflection of your mind, and the only way forward is by giving. Stop concentrating on self, just give. Give. Give. Give.

Whether it be time, or attention, or sustenance, or money. 

Being Generous

As the now pervading force in my life, I'd like to share with you a little fun fact about Rick: his middle name is Generoso. I truly believe that our names have a link to how we live. Sally Angeles Horton is a wonderful example (Sally: a sortie against the enemy; Angeles: after my musical grandma; Horton: a person's a person no matter how small). Well, I must say that Rick is really living up to his potential. He recently relayed a story about giving some change to a homeless man, who then commented on his nice shoes. In return, Rick offered him £20 with the instruction to buy himself a new pair. "I don't care if he uses the money for shoes or if he uses it to get out of his reality. I wouldn't want his reality either."

It got me thinking about it though. From my time in major cities, I've never known the proper way to address the homeless. I'll either keep my eyes forward or offer the person a smile, maybe a read of their sign. I also wonder whether the person is a fraud. In my hectic lifestyle, no matter how moving their appeal, I'm already walking by, processing the information as I further my distance. It's always shocking to pass though. You get the smell first. Then you see the apparel, the matted hair. Could anyone actually choose this reality? Could you think yourself into this situation? And could a new pair of shoes give you the impetus to think yourself out of the situation?

Back to Reality

No matter what I choose, I feel invincible. I feel the impetus for change, so all I need to do is sit down with some tea and some time. My mentality truly is my reality, and since I haven't been able to give my brain time to process and be at peace, my life is quickly turning into turmoil too. Okay, so maybe I don't fully buy this lady's "mentality trumps reality" belief, but positive thinking will definitely help me take the steps I need to take.

Announcement

I will be back in the USA come January, and will be making a trip to Sydney come March. Truth. Mark your calendars.