Engagement (War) Cry

"May I have your address?" she types over fb messenger.

I hurriedly respond with the age-old Reston address, giving my congratulations, asking whether she's picked a gown, location, etc. etc. My friends are getting married! It's far enough in advance for me to take off work and it'll be a good excuse for a vacation. Flights, albeit expensive, are the cheapest I've seen in years.

 I bite the bullet and buy my round trip ticket.

This is the first of many engagements happening within my circle of friends, and I become overwhelmed. Thus far, I have received three wedding invitations, five save-the-dates, and this past week has included two more engagements (including my own). I consider how I can pull them all off; will I be performing that weekend and will the theatre budget for understudies? How many days would I have to take off to accomplish this trip?

Worst of all:  how do I choose which I can/can't attend?

When my best friend from Sydney messages me about her engagement, the latest in this series of events, I'm stunned to laughter and tears; my life is a clusterfuck of love, expanding over four countries, five friend groups, and one year. Better buckle up now...

Choices and Endurance

Riccardo and I have undergone long distance for almost two years now, and it's been a rollercoaster in so many ways. We chat every day, but we're constantly thwarted by the time difference, chores, jobs, my 4G and his shoddy internet provider. There is nothing more aggravating than the "beep... beep...beep" of a buffering WhatsApp call. Of course, I get frustrated and hang up the call, but once the reception improves, he calls again. You've got to give it to him, when he said his worst trait was stubbornness, he wasn't wrong.

Irregardless of this, saying "yes" to Rick was so simple, so natural, so easy. He has proven time and again that he chooses me, and he wants to overcome life's unending challenges with me by his side. Luckily for me, he proves himself excessively loving and fantasises being in the kitchen, cooking for me. 

"If I could cook for you tonight, what do I wanna cook you.... I feel like, I feel like making you a veggie burger, a really good black bean burger. I'd probably do like um... some roasted potatoes and um... it'll have different pickles and stuff on the side, with the bun." 

- Rick, right now, over a WhatsApp call that is miraculously, not beeping.

Sometimes, I wonder why I keep him around, but he likewise chooses to be there. Nothing about my nonsensical life thwarts him from loving me, nothing about my volatile personality upsets him, except for the moments I don't love myself.

Opportunity in Flux

This year has given me a magnitude of theatrical opportunities, culminating in two different theatre offers this winter. I deliberated between the two, wanting so badly to accept both and bolster my position in the ranks of DC Theatre. I consulted actor friends and mentors on the subject and weighed the outcomes. The choice was difficult but rewarding, and I geared myself up for a winter of frivolity doing more TYA at Imagination Stage.

Funnily enough, all of my deliberation was for naught, as I contracted pneumonia three weeks before rehearsals. I cursed the doctor who initially misdiagnosed me, my dog who refused to walk with anyone else, my family for being overseas/unavailable, and I began my antibiotics treatment. The weekend before rehearsals, my voice was a smoker version of itself, and my energy levels required 2hr naps each day; I relented and dropped out. As mentors and family applauded me for taking care of my health, I rapidly lost confidence and direction. As with my long-distance relationship, I just had to make do with the situation at hand and be okay with it, but this lost opportunity marred my sense of self. Maybe I could've pushed through rehearsals, maybe I don't want it enough, maybe I should get a "real job" with paid sick days and health insurance....

Last night, I shared this news with a new acquaintance, and he said, "you never know... you could've gotten hit by a car outside of IStage." He brought the situation into a new light, one that focused on where I'm meant to be rather than where I want to be. 

Here Comes the Bride

With that thought in mind, Rick and I tackle the unending debate on whether to have a civil or church wedding, in the US or UK, super fancy or super relaxed, and of course there's the awful decision of having it ASAP (for visa purposes) without it feeling rushed, poorly planned, or heartless. How many friends will I ask to fly across the world for this debacle, celebrating the love of two inimitable dorks?

I googled "inimitable" to be sure.

Much love

BYE

Pink ti-i-dings of co-om-fort and joy COMFORT AND JOY