Balancing Act
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I exclaim as we hug each other goodbye. It's the morning of January 1st, and I am resolved to get it right. I will take time, I will be grateful, I will use tact. I am proudly doing these things.
"In 2019, my resolutions are balance and clarity," I tell my friends with delight. As I close the door behind them, I wonder why I've chosen these two things. I laugh at myself; it sounds like the tagline to a particularly bougie facial cleanser. Balance and clarity, two things that have evaded me all my life.
Living in the western world, we are flooded with opportunities and choices, none of which guarantee a happier existence. The more we try and control these things, the less joy we feel; the more we compare ourselves to each other's choices, the less adequate we feel. I second-guess everything I post on social media because I fear being misunderstood, offensive, or even worse, unrelatable. With the constant notifications, I'm grateful that I walk dogs during the day. When I'm out sliding in mud, singing to myself, whistling to the dogs and seeing their wagging tails, I feel at peace, blissfully disconnected from the hectic world we live in and the need to people-please. When with the doggies, the barrage of punctuality is at bay. Being out on a walk is the closest thing I have to balance and clarity.
Having such a lovely side-hustle, you would think I'd bring that serenity to other parts of my life; au contraire, mon cherie! When I get back to "real life", see the missed calls and texts, I am bombarded by my irresponsibility. Why did I allow myself to turn off for so long? Who do I need to text first? Why is Rick calling right this second? Aahhh!!!!
Talk about Rick, our relationship is the perfect representation of yin and yang. When he is flustered, I keep my cool, when I'm discouraged, he speaks kindly. The long distance has taught us to use our words more wisely, to deliberate more effectively, and to be okay with change.
"What would you like to do on our wedding day?" I ask.
"To be honest, Sally, I just want to have a normal day with you."
There is nothing quite so pleasing to hear than this, knowing full well that we don't need fluff; no fancy dinners, lavish outings. Of course, we'll do something spectacular to satisfy our Filipino and Italian mothers, but hey ho. I call it the "big hoo-ha" of 2020.
Checklist
As any fine juggler will tell you, the balancing act is not necessarily about having less to work with; it's about planning ahead and attending to each item with equal care. I vow as part of my 2019 resolutions to spend more time reflecting on what needs to be done each day, setting small goals and being cognisant of long-term goals, and (to my family's delight, I'm sure), tidying my life as I go along.
The clarity I seek has already been given to me in unexpected ways. Being an actor can be hectic, unyielding and degrading, yet hugely rewarding and positively surprising. I often cycle back to, "what would I do instead?" On my most recent bout of doubt, Rick quizzed me, saying, "If you could wake up tomorrow and go to your dream job; what would it be?"
"First day of rehearsals," I say.
Oh.
Lol.
I guess that's sorted then!
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