Being Nice Blows

The Pickle Problem

Dear People of the Planet,

Would you consider yourself a nice person? Are you a generous being with a willingness to help whenever necessary? Are you sometimes mistaken for a pushover (oh wait, you are a pushover)?

Well, well, well. It's time for us pushovers of the world to grow some backbones. This week I've been praying for the courage to say "no". I'm a very happy-go-lucky, "it's not too inconvenient for me" type of gal who has now gotten herself into a pickle or two. Don't get me wrong, pickles are great (especially Number 1 Sons Pickles). They're fabulous for embellishing meals. They add crunch and flavor, brightness in taste and color. And yet, one would not eat pickles alone. It seems to me that I'm pickling myself to the point of no return. What once was my pickle garnish is now becoming my pickle burger, and ain't nobody got time for that. 

Now this crazily extended metaphor has something to do with the fact that I dedicate much more time to my jobs than my craft. I understand the need for these jobs to support me in pursuing my craft but now, now I'm receiving so many offers that I must be generous to myself. I must give myself the time I need to do my craft and not feel overwhelmed. Balancing three jobs is difficult enough, but as two of the three ask for extended hours ("think of the money", they say), I am incredibly flummoxed.

Today, I tried to turn down a dog-sitting job that will obviously be a pain in the derriere with my schedule. I said, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm the right person, as I really think you need someone who can dedicate more time during the day." For some reason, the lady took that as "I'm compassionate and really care about your pets, and I will do my darndest to ensure I'm taking care of them in all my spare time. Moreover, I would love to walk your dog on a daily basis, as I'm totally desperate for one more hour of work each day in an inconvenient locale." Good one, Sal. 

As much as I'm growing frustrated with my life choices, I also must accept that she didn't take "no" for a reason. Now I'm talking about more than a just her selfish reason; I'm talking about an overarching good, God-inspired, you'll know in time, reason. Who knows? She could be good friends with Andrew Lloyd-Webber (...and that'll help you how, Sal?...). Regardless, I'm going to take each step in stride and respect myself and others enough to say "no" when the time is ripe.

I think that the time is growing more and more ripe. The pickles are in fermentation overload right now. And I'm sitting here, happy to be able to tuck myself into bed at 10pm with a full stomach and a full agenda for tomorrow. If there's nothing worse than being busy, it's being completely free. Perhaps I'm afraid of having too much free time; if you were given all the time in the world, free of obligations to friends, jobs and health, what would you do? Perhaps I'm afraid of freedom and the choices I might make in the absence of direction.