That Unhealthy Relationship with Fear
Things we fear:
Failure
Offending others
Rejection
Deterioration
Death
And thus we avoid:
Passion
Expression
Commitment
Challenges
Enjoyment
I think it's safe to say I live with a lot of fear. Being a mixed American abroad, I have grown to "suss out" situations before I commit myself fully to them, if at all. Oftentimes when I do allow myself to fully feel and express what I mean, it is received with adamance, nonchalance or confusion. Or derision. That too.
It's been my constant aim to just be myself, and for the past two years I've become more true to me and less true to social norms. Striking a balance is key in everything, and let me tell you - the more you aim for the center (rather than the extremes), the more lost you feel. Sometimes we need extremes to figure out where we stand. Just as life is diverse and multifaceted, so is our approach to keeping it in check. We cannot address all our concerns in one day. It takes time, assessment, patience, perspective and endurance.
I've recently encountered a lot of different advice. For instance, take advantage of the opportunities you have, and stop worrying about what you don't have. If you take that on board, however, you forgo the advice to follow your dreams by recognising and pursuing the necessary steps to accomplish them. You see people like Sylvester Stallone, who gave up absolutely everything (even sold his dog) to accomplish his dreams and others who accomplish simply by being driven, talented and in the right place at the right time.
Last year, we had a talk with Caroline Sheen, Welsh actress extraordinaire who had instant success after graduating college. After starring in Mamma Mia and other shows on the West End, she was transferred to Broadway to portray Mary Poppins (and trust me, the visa situation makes this is a bigger deal than just landing the part). And yet, she still doesn't want her daughter to pursue the path to performing that she so successfully led.
Funny thing is, no matter what approach you have towards your opportunities, dreams and career, you are never completely in control. You never know whether a job will just "land in your lap" or whether it might be due to connections, or just sheer gut and dedication. That's what makes life diverse and exciting (as well as frustrating and just plain rude).
Failure
Offending others
Rejection
Deterioration
Death
And thus we avoid:
Passion
Expression
Commitment
Challenges
Enjoyment
I think it's safe to say I live with a lot of fear. Being a mixed American abroad, I have grown to "suss out" situations before I commit myself fully to them, if at all. Oftentimes when I do allow myself to fully feel and express what I mean, it is received with adamance, nonchalance or confusion. Or derision. That too.
It's been my constant aim to just be myself, and for the past two years I've become more true to me and less true to social norms. Striking a balance is key in everything, and let me tell you - the more you aim for the center (rather than the extremes), the more lost you feel. Sometimes we need extremes to figure out where we stand. Just as life is diverse and multifaceted, so is our approach to keeping it in check. We cannot address all our concerns in one day. It takes time, assessment, patience, perspective and endurance.
I've recently encountered a lot of different advice. For instance, take advantage of the opportunities you have, and stop worrying about what you don't have. If you take that on board, however, you forgo the advice to follow your dreams by recognising and pursuing the necessary steps to accomplish them. You see people like Sylvester Stallone, who gave up absolutely everything (even sold his dog) to accomplish his dreams and others who accomplish simply by being driven, talented and in the right place at the right time.
Last year, we had a talk with Caroline Sheen, Welsh actress extraordinaire who had instant success after graduating college. After starring in Mamma Mia and other shows on the West End, she was transferred to Broadway to portray Mary Poppins (and trust me, the visa situation makes this is a bigger deal than just landing the part). And yet, she still doesn't want her daughter to pursue the path to performing that she so successfully led.
Funny thing is, no matter what approach you have towards your opportunities, dreams and career, you are never completely in control. You never know whether a job will just "land in your lap" or whether it might be due to connections, or just sheer gut and dedication. That's what makes life diverse and exciting (as well as frustrating and just plain rude).
Porque?!
Sometimes you can befuddle yourself completely trying to find the answers. Why was one opportunity given me and another taken away? Why didn't I just apply for that job rather than wonder whether I was qualified? Why couldn't they choose me?
Asking these questions can lead to answers. They can also lead to some heavy self-abhorrence and self-doubt. In all-things-career, sometimes you have to live and let live, go with it and find new avenues. But in relationships, I think it goes further: why? and then how?
Relationships
How can I address what's bothering me, how can I change my perspective and what can I do to make my voice heard? There have definitely been times in the past where I'd take the "ignore it and it'll go away" route, and I'm just going to say that's one of the least satisfying, least fruitful approaches you can take, next to the "throw in the towel, this sucks, I'm a failure" approach, which is pretty much the same thing except with the debilitating addition of self-deprecation. YAY.
There was a time where I'd try to dampen my feelings and avoid treading on others' toes. That Sal doesn't exist when it comes to relationships. If you say or do something that affects me, positively or negatively, I'll make it my business for you to know. That is, if our friendship means a lot to me.
Who knows? Maybe God will give me a Sylvester Stallone success story, so that my biography will make an interesting read. Maybe He'll give me opportunities that build on one another and help me grow in a linear way. Regardless, he gave me passion, dedication and love. Things I am choosing to follow rather than ignore. I'll take it and go where it takes me, and hopefully I won't have to sell Hammer. He's too cute.
Utopian Bodies Exhibition, Stockholm
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| Becky and the Helsinki Cathedral |
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| Ollie and I on Deck the Silja |
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| 3:15 Sunset, Stockholm |
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| My "local" Nativity Set, Helsinki |
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| Home for the next 20 days! |
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