Done with Publicising

Back to Basics

I don't want to have to write this every week. It's annoying. It used to be a tool in which I'd share with my friends. But as Neil Diamond says, "used to be's don't count anymore, they just lay on the floor 'til you sweep them away."

I still write. I feel I owe it to myself. When I was young and naive (ha!) 30 months ago when I began this blog, I had a youthful outlook on its prospects. (I believed) I'd always love sharing. The honest truth is sometimes sharing is meant for certain avenues, when the time is ripe, to specific people. Not to the whole of the world who has access to internet at any given moment...

Time does change things. I've made promises to myself and others that I haven't kept over the years. I stumble, I let friendships dissipate. Life teaches you that sometimes the effort is too much to warrant reaching out. Life teaches you that it's okay to let go, that it's natural to focus on your immediate surrounds than ones that meant something to you at a completely different point in your life.

Perspective, huh?

Well, I haven't let this one go. It's going to be a struggle (especially since it already is), but it's important. I don't know why, but I truly believe I won't forgive myself if I fail at this. Moreover, I have some inexplicable hope that it'll uncover a revelation for my future self. Perhaps it's already done wonders on my understanding of life and love, and I'm too shortsighted to appreciate it fully. Yes, that's probably true.

This Week's Struggles

a.k.a. Accomplishments

I've been thinking a lot about impressions on the world and what I respect in other people. I remember a time in which I thought, "being normal and regular is wonderful." I do envy those who have normalcy, although I find them amply boring upon reflection. Accomplished people rank quite highly in my "book", and yet... isn't it all a bit nonsense? Does your popularity reflect your ingeniousness? 

Moreover, I've been trying to moderate my life so that I'm not worn too thin. The pendulum swings, and I realize I've spent three weeks reading and snoozing, with doggy visits in between. That's not okay. It doesn't exercise my body and mind to the extent I know I can push myself. It has brought me to a point when everything is "okay", nothing is "extraordinary". Doesn't sparkle just make life that much more engaging?

Reading

So one of the great outcomes of my sedentary lifestyle is being able to read a lot more fiction. It has already shown up in my writing of this blog; I feel my fingers move and my thoughts pour out in a different fashion now, influenced undeniably by the intake of books. It's an immediate example of how one really ought to reflect on how time is invested. Every single moment of your life informs the next; do you capitalise this potential? "or just let it slip", as eminem sagely said once upon a time.

Now that I've quoted two songs, I'd like to declare that I'm going to start writing my own. Pops has encouraged me for a month now, and I believe the time is right, my passions are ripe, and my mind needs the instigation. I've already come across struggles - the fact that my lyrics are available to all. I think it'll get me to expose things in a very raw way; not flushed out ideas like you read here on the blog, but ones that are immediate and demonstrative. And very, very close to home.

But hey, when you've got people trying to sue Adele and Jason Robert Brown for sharing through their lyrics, you realize it's part of the package of being an artist, and the more you expose of your soul, the more you invite others to share in that passion/emotion. And sharing, albeit uncomfortable and inappropriate at times, is something I really and truly hold on to dearly.