Spring Cleaning

Quarter 1 Done

Look at your calendars, all. We're just about a quarter of the way through the year, and what have we accomplished? I for one, have pretty much ignored my new year's resolution for a month or two. The task was simple: smile at more strangers on the street. When I embarked on the task, I remember feeling uneasy about people who didn't look or act according to my "norm", and when I felt more uncomfortable than not, I started to think perhaps it was a bad thing to do. What would I be gaining from such a task?

I'm sure some of you readers have been smiled at, and the action takes you so off-guard you think, "gosh, do I know that person?" or "is s/he crazy?" or even "it's because I actually 'tried' this morning." And now I ask you this, why are we so surprised by a smile? What did a warm, friendly gesture gain over the years but weariness?

Remember the days when you were young, and smiling wasn't connected to hidden motives or social normality. You smiled just because you wanted to, and that's that. Life was simpler then. 

Less tarnished, 

more bright, 

just spectacular. 

Perhaps that's what I wanted to gain from this task. Moreover, the act of smiling at a stranger forces you to gain their perspectives, and that's what I so direly need to do.

Heading South

For the past month or so, I was struggling. Struggling to find balance and regularity and motivation. Each day I'd get more and more engrossed in the books I was reading, I didn't care to leave the house and was almost afraid to reach out to my friends. My disengagement with the world led to my numbed existence, one that was safe, uninspired and uninspiring. It was a trap that I allowed myself to descend into, with the majority of my day-to-day experiences revolving around my doggies and myself. 

"What's wrong with that?" you say. 

"Sometimes you need a break!" you say. 

"Awesome! Book reading!" you say. 

Well, to a certain extent, I agree with all of the above. But as they say: everything in moderation. What I was doing was perpetuating a behaviour that was comfortable and shying away from what was bothering me. I kept thinking to myself, "an object at rest stays at rest," and I knew if I didn't act, I wouldn't. The energy had to come from within.

I'll Just Lie Here, with an occasional trip to the kitchen and loo.

My heart was so invested in my ideal job (acting), that I didn't pause and reflect on the occurrences of my day-to-day life. When you know you're in transit from one performing job to the next, it's difficult to invest in the in-between jobs. As I spent more and more of my days in the in-between jobs, I became increasingly weary of them.

So I turned to research on passion and careers. An interesting finding by Benjamin Todd is that aligning your passion with your career is not the best equation for a fulfilled life. His research, as seen here, concludes that you ought to choose something "valuable". We gain most fulfillment when there is a demand for our talents and resources, so we feel engaged and enriched on a daily basis.

Now if you think of the amount of time actors spend out of work, you can imagine their self-value depreciates as their time out of work increases. I saw this and it was a kick up the derriere. I needed to ensure that my in-between jobs gave me a feeling of valuableness, thus leading to a fulfilled life. 

Ground Up

As much as I loved my doggies, I had a lazy approach to them. I'd often be late to see them, insisting they wouldn't care about the difference. If they weren't keen on walking, I wouldn't force them. There was no social responsibility, and my outlook on life became warped as a consequence. I won't even get into my promo job, that has become so repetitive (after about 5 shifts), that I realised I couldn't depend on it as a supplementary income. I needed to challenge myself to engage and create.

I began looking for alternatives. And thus far, I've landed a job in a cafe just across from the station. It's a concept cafe in that it's an add-on to an eyewear studio. The owner designs the glasses, gets them made in Italy, and serves coffee to customers who need the time to get fitted and adjusted to new frames. We also just serve a really nice cup of coffee, so stop in for that alone, and it'll be a rare treat (we're located next to a Cafe Nero. Yuck.) 

Having only worked one full shift, I've already found myself challenging the ideas of my manager and insisting I make my own cup of coffee (which is exceptionally unpracticed, but the understanding is there at least). I think I've grown more headstrong over the years. Perhaps it's because I know I can. Give me the chance, and I know I can. It's a mentality that I've developed from many an audition room. Whether it's a conducive one, only time will tell, but there you have it.

Sun Rises over Newport, Wales.

Taxes.

I've filed my US taxes and am waiting on a few P45s for my UK ones. I am gung ho about this all and want to proclaim to the world that I am an organised, invested individual, keen on tracking my expenditure and income and loving the fact that there's some sort of framework to it... as my life does seem like a hectic blob most of the time.

post script

you may or may not have noticed, but I've gone two weeks without posting these blogs on fb. Rest assured I'm writing them, but would prefer not posting every one there. If you're an avid reader, please check weekly, else follow me on google+. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

(and talk about lemon squeezy, I've made some really great hummus and baba ghanoush batches in the past fortnight. Living the dream).