DO IT w LOVE

Good Day, Friend

I'll make an educated guess: if you're reading this, there's a 99% probability that you're a friend. You might be a prenatal friend (I'm looking at you, Mum), you could be a childhood friend or one I've encountered in the past couple of years. When writing in my diary this morning, I had a stark realization: every single year, I've formed at least one meaningful, withstanding friendship. When you reflect on your own lives, can you not form the same conclusion? What a lovely way to cherish life! Somebody is planted in your life every year that can now be an influential contributor to each coming year until forever - now that's a pretty grand idea. 

(If you absolutely cannot say this about your life, I will gently encourage you to invite someone new in this year, or perhaps reach out to an old friend. As a fellow introvert, I know that it may be toilsome to share your emotions and time, but I insist you try. There is no dearth of possibilities!)

I might be all lofty this morning because I have had five chocolate ganaches before 8, or perhaps I'm this way because of a few recent discoveries. One of them is new friend extraordinaire, Maddy. This gal has not only encouraged me to stand up for myself and truly dissect what I need out of each day, but she's provided me with clothing, shelter, food, and chats. My goodness, is she a keeper! I mean, anyone who owns this dress then insists you borrow it, is a keeper. 

Maddy's Mesmerising Dress

Now I'm gonna draw this out and talk about last year's friends too. I not only met my accepting, supportive, kind, generous, playful and extremely Italian boyfriend last year, I met some performers who have opened my eyes to creating your own opportunities and being enthused. Seriously, sometimes I'm so scared of life I'd prefer to live without gusto (an absolutely dull and fruitless way to be, from experience). My new friends Alasdair and Daniel have taught me to embrace your passions, sing out loud (and out in public), and to just keep striving. None of us are perfect performers (sorry, boys), but all of us are dying to create and inspire. I dig that, and I'm grateful for you.

As the caffeine and sugar from my "breakfast" continues to fuel me, I'm going to throw out another important revelation: my old friends just keep getting cooler. Every moment with +Caitlin teaches me to be more gentle, less rash, more deliberate. I know she'd defy me by saying she wings it a lot of the time, but her "winging it" is so well-practiced it is an art form in itself. Old-timer +Gilday also continues to teach me lessons. In a conversation we had last night, I said "I don't want to say it, because I'm not sure how you'll react." These are the types of friendships to cherish, the ones that will constantly surprise, uplift and evolve. I am proud of my friends, and therefore I'm proud of myself for choosing them.

(And who knew I'd get to be +linh's Maid of Honor! Just one semester living together in Australia, and we've already formed a friendship that's convened in Sydney, the Blue Mountains, Cardiff, DC, and Pittsburg. Next stop: Vietnam! I'm so happy to have you in my life, and will forever be your Mama Bear.)

Superideologies 

I just made up a word, but let's go with it. There are some things that I've discovered recently that are pretty freaking important which I must remind myself of from here until my dying day:  I am not a burden. I don't know how I've come to think like this, but I constantly put myself down. When someone says "you're amazing at singing!" I say, "you're just saying that." When my Ma says "but your cousins want to see you!" I say, "it's only because you talk about me all the time." Even when I sing, I ask for permission, not wanting to offend or upset or worse, be judged. 

Hello EVERYONE! I am not a burden. My singing brings joy to people. My presence is enlightening. My passions are to be shared! I'm so sick of Silly Sal trying to box herself in, as if everything she does is going to set off a bunch of oversized, tinny alarms at once. It will always be my obstacle, to overcome this feeling of unworthiness, but fuck it (excuse my French); it is not wholesome and not true. Someone slap me in the face more often to keep me real about these things.

Extract the Nasty

Another interesting thing I've realized? I barely wrote in my diary from last year. Upon re-reading the entries, I noticed what I did write was a stream of negative emotion. I would only write when feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, ashamed. Imagine my surprise when I read a handful of crappily written entries that all focused on negativity. I was not having it. 

Yesterday, I purchased a new notebook. This one I vow to infuse with positivity, valuable quotes, interesting vocabulary words. Where is the woman who thrived off learning new words? Where is she?! She's here, ready and present, and she wants to be enlightened. She wants to discover. She wants to be her number one fan (and not her number one critic). 

And to conclude: Do it w LOVE

I skipped a part of the story. You know yesterday? When I bought a new notebook? I stood in the store, debating over three colors. I wasn't really "sold" on any of them, just realized it was a good price for what it was. I had to ask a passerby her opinion before buying the lime green one! After the purchase, I walked a couple more blocks, then went straight back to Staples to return it. What the hell was I doing? I bought something I didn't really care about, something I didn't choose for myself, all because I wanted a fresh leaf (both figuratively and actually)! After this whole debacle, I went to TJMaxx and found a Teal notebook (you know, the color of everything I own), that had a pretty design saying "TO DO and TO DREAM" on the front. Caching!! You have my money TJ Maxx! The last thing I needed was a notebook I didn't feel enthusiastic about, so I could write more entries of days I don't feel enthusiastic about. Not in my book, no sir! 

This year, I vow to bring enthusiasm. I cannot stand the Sal who debates going out because she's afraid she might be tired, the Sal who doesn't want to spend time with others because she so values the time alone. I vow to be more organized, to make plans for each day and TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THEM, not allow my emotions to govern what I actually do. I vow to be patient and kind to those who show me unconditional love; just because it's unconditional, doesn't mean it's not honest! No more of this, "My Ma loves me only because she has to" business. My Ma is proud of me. My Pa is proud of me, and I am going to proceed with love.

Another Reason for Maddy-ppreciation!
Matching Tats!