The Difficult Questions

February 23, 2017

The Difficult Questions

The Straight and Narrow

When talking to a friend last night, he explained that he chose the straight and narrow path: getting a job, getting married, buying property, working religiously, retiring. Now in his 70s, my friend reflects over his 40 year old son. His son took the roundabout route, turning onto untouched terrain and discovering more about the world and about himself. He taught in third-world countries, experimented with different lifestyles, and continues to choose the unknown. As much as we'd view this as adventurous and exciting, "the windy path has some deep valleys too," my friend explains.

I admire this friend, not only for the path he chose, but also for accepting his son's choices and the struggles that come with them. Here's a common misconception: those who seek to align their values with their daily lives are happier individuals. Reality: when doing this, you constantly have to assess your values, adjust your approach towards life, and strive towards the untouchable.

For me, this chase is incessantly disgruntling. What's better? Finding a regular job, keeping my head down, and making a definite means to support my family? Or perhaps forging my art to make a positive influence on society? When reflecting over this, I realise that the better option is the more valiant one, the one providing the most challenge and the most potential for change.

Now which one is that?

This elusive goal is my constant struggle. My personality craves comfort and safety, and yet my choices reflect nothing of the sort. I've up and left home so many times, I'm confused as to where home actually is. I have faced more auditions than my brothers have interviews, combined. The lifestyle is volatile, discouraging, daunting, nauseating. One of these days, I will turn away and never look back. Until that relieving moment, I'll be on tenterhooks. Within that relieving moment, I'll feel ashamed.

Comfort was never on the cards.

Other Uncomfortable Discussions

I feel passionately about a lot of things, most of which are social concerns on the forefront of society. When reading about women's/gay/trans rights, I solidly back our ideals to have equality in the workplace and to eliminate discrimination and gender norms. I hope individuals will strive towards their best selves, no matter the gender affiliation of their actions. I say this with the understanding that, biologically speaking, women may be better at certain tasks, men at others, but these are not hard and fast rules. It is the learned norms I am interested in changing: I want women to see their potential as scientists, politicians, lawyers, athletes. I want them to be leaders, openly and without resistance from their (male and female) colleagues. I want them to earn the salary appropriate for the work they do. Period. Likewise, I want it to be okay for men to be compassionate. I want it to be okay for them to be arty, emotional, daring. I want them to choose to provide for their families because they feel fulfilment in that, not because it's what's expected. I want them to be able to talk about their mental health, harassment in the workplace, their doubts. If I hear anyone say "harden the fuck up" or "go back to the kitchen" one more time, I will be swamped with disappointment.

That being said, I'm a firm believer in souls. I believe they are paired with a zygote at conception. This makes my support of women's rights slightly shy of the current movement. I accept that abortion should be available to today's women, but I cannot, and will not, think it is the best solution for any woman, any circumstance.

I truly believe the struggles that are handed to us are opportunities for growth. As I said before, my goal is to seek the most valiant option when given a choice, the option with the most potential. When having an abortion, you nip the "problem" in the bud, but you also nip your potential for growth in the bud. You assume that the child will have a poor upbringing, perhaps in foster homes, perhaps in your home. You assume that the child is better off not being born at all than being born with a defect. You assume that the child's life - up until the day s/he dies, is not worth the nine months of sacrifice. In my perfect scenario, this child is an opportunity for you to gather a community, for you to reconnect with old friends, your parents, your neighbours. It is a chance for you to develop humility, to ask for help when you need it.

I had a lovely conversation with Rick's grandmother about her upbringing in Italy. When she was 12 years old (in the 1930s), she found out that a neighbour of hers, aged 55, was pregnant. It was the talk of the village, the lady getting pregnant in her old age, moreover it turned out to be twins! She successfully delivered the babies, and garnered constant support from her neighbours and friends. This was an opportunity for the village to convene and show their support. When the mother died four years later, the community supported the children as they progressed through childhood.

Should the lady have had an abortion, as the pregnancy could've incurred complications in her old age? I just can't say yes to this. Having the child allowed more growth. With the mother bringing twins into the world, the village got to step up to the plate, show moral and physical support, and essentially adopt the twins when the mother passed away. When a pregnant woman says, "I can't do this" what she means is, "I can't do this alone." The beauty about humanity is, the incipience of life is between a mother and a father - from the moment of conception, we are not alone.

"No one is alone, truly, no one is alone." -Into the Woods

I know, I know. We live in larger, more diluted societies. It would be impossible to try and support every needy mother, every orphaned child. Yet, I still can't accept that view. It assumes that individuals in society are reticent and unwilling to help others. Would you like to make that assumption of yourself when a friend/colleague/neighbour is in need? You can look at statistics all you like, but you can never, ever predict when someone might break the mould, offer a helping hand, change karma by changing actions. That karma has potential to travel far and wide.

Dessert

Now that I've given you the heavy starter and main courses, I'm going to heap on a tub of frozen yoghurt, light, sweet and abundant. I've had a thoroughly good time of things here in Sydney. The first thing out of Mark's mouth when picking me up: "it feels like home, doesn't it?"

Sure does, Marcheeto.

This trip has been enlightening and rewarding. I've seen friends (some I've not seen in four years). I've gotten the opportunity to reflect on what's important to me and therefore, who's important to me. As much as I might have grown apart from friends over the years, common ground is common ground, there and ripe for the reaping. I've gone out so many times and returned with another strap line on my shoulders, my eyes are growing bright in the sun. I have cried, too, but only because life is painful and beautiful and you know what? Crying ain't so bad.